The Internet is, well, the Internet, and it's increasingly stupid and full of crackpots, but I've been secretly fascinated for years by one person who thought Monkey Island was an analogy for the US invasion of Vietnam. I learned about it from this Chris Purvis interview that Mojo recently excavated, which I read before playing Monkey Island 2. It coloured my playthrough and...well, I've always wondered what the hell the connection was. Is it because there's a Monkey Island in Vietnam? Whatever happened to that person, anyway? Are they roaming the streets of San Francisco, forgotten and ignored? Writing kitchen sink plays which are secret, impenetrable analogies of the Falklands War? Are they on a wild goose chase in Italy, attempting to crack the Da Vinci Code? Where are you, Vietnam person? What did you see?
Twitter's been more toxic since its cocky new CEO got into the cockpit and made the cockamamie announcement that "the bird is freed." That kind of cocksureness led to...well, content moderation, albeit not the kind those of us staring cockeyed at Twitter's welcoming of neo-Nazis would appreciate.
We're sure Thimbleweed Park and Return to Monkey Island producer Jenn Sandercock is a lovely person, and I hate to highlight that part of her name. But our attempts at promoting her GDC talk got caught in Musk's cock-up of a Twitter filter...
Once again emphasising that some people, for all their cock-of-the-walk strutting about free speech, are ultimately just stupid dickheads.
In moments of moral uncertainty, the enlightened among us are usually able to grope our way out of the quandary by applying this simple test, verifying that it comes out negative: “Am I patterning my behavior after Nintendo of America’s 1990 censorship board?”
As per usual, however, Florida has gone in a different direction.
The last time we marked International Talk Like a Pirate Day, "Return to Monkey Island" had secretly been in development for a few months, so hopefully our logic-free dimension of reality continues to equate correlation to causation an' I now be forcin' fortune to once again plunge into the briny depths an' brin' forth treasure. Ahoy! I be pullin' another quote at random from a mighty pirate.
This is the story about the time I finally found the secret of Monkey Island.
Look, we hear your cat-like screeching about it being not whatever decade you parked your emotional maturity in. We're crowd pleasers. We've given Guybrush a special do over, just for you. Now stop whining.
Some things never change. Particularly fear of change.
Having inadvertently remembered Jim Carrey-Joel Schumacher paranoid fantasy The Number 23, I decided to stick the number of years between Monkey Island releases into Google Maps as coordinates, netting a picture which I've decided answers one burning question: Which of the damn games is the best in the series?
It only makes sense.The Iliad: Special thanks to Homer.
Guernica: Special thanks to Picasso.
Citizen Kane: Special thanks to O. Welles.
Monkey Island Anthology Package:
Mike Stemmle's Linkedin profile isn't just a resume, but a platform for expressing latent regret. Have a look at the LucasArts section and you'll see what I mean:
There, you see? He apologized. And that's more than you can say for whichever monster is responsible for that assemble-the-turtle-skeleton puzzle in The Dig. These people need to be held accountable.
I got some used revenge porn to sell you!
I was a bit puzzled by Sam and Max-related comments about Max being a "gay icon," but then YouTube threw this at me and I've been quietly traumatised by the idea of either Sam or Max getting down to business since.
I'd always interpreted these as Max being indifferent towards anyone he wasn't pummelling or, in a universe that's rarely floated sexuality, asexual, but hey, when you put it like that: good for Max. And a point against my literary analysis skills. But I'll be looking for bunny ears at the next pride march.
This is from three years ago.
Those fascists on the Steam forums went to Capitol Hill last night and they were not happy.