Spaff and the Gang Ream Attack of the Clones Page Two

Episode 2: This Party's over
- by James Spafford

What do you get if you cross the humour of a James Bond film, Dawson's Creek and enough money to hire Industrial Light & Magic?

Attack of the clones was a name surrounded with disappointment and fear, possibly deserving the award for the worst film title ever. But after seeing this film I know why Mr Lucas chose the name. It was to soften the blow.

George must have been having nightmares…. After the terrible fan reaction to Episode I, Episode II has to bring everyone back, it has to re-enforce everyone's faith in their favourite movie series… will he achieve it?

I think most people's reactions online have been different to mine, I'm now going to be really harsh, harsher than I should be really because I had a great time. But for those who feel let down here is my journey:

As the film begins, the cheers go up. The Scrolling text, the wipe to a spaceship.. We've seen it so many times! But what happens next?

[adopt Chris Morris Voice] For over two hours we watch angst ridden Anakin Skywalker X-Winge his way through the Galaxy, Trying to become a Jedi Knight whilst giving us all a Jedi Fright.[end Morris voice] We thought Luke was a whiny child. No wonder he's so annoying when his father can quite happily spout off chat up lines of immense cheese, but still manage to attract the beautiful but quite obviously naïve Amidala.

The Involvement of Christopher Lee was ridiculous, asking the man behind Count Dracula to play a black cloak wearing character called Count Duckula Dooku (AKA Darth Tyranasaurus Rex) is surely something more common for a Mel Brookes spoof movie.

Don't get me wrong, Some of the Film was Thoroughly enjoyed, some of it made me wet myself, but most of the time the amazing parts were ruined moments later by an out of place comedy scene, or piece of trash acting. The parts that lead into the other films, or set up the plot for the next episode are mostly great. There are many classic moments, and it is much more alike in style to the original saga. Unfortunately for every classic moment there are 5 Jar Jar Binks type moments waiting to trip you up. How rude!

The Music was brilliant, excellent use of the Imperial march to show the darkening of Anakin's soul. I think perhaps Dooku should have had a new march of his own, possibly played on a very gothic organ.

Yoda's puppet has been thrown away and replaced with a CGI Yoda.

After being used to a quite static Yoda with hardy any facial expressions, we are now subjected to a fully functional Yoda with crazy Kung Fu eyes and Street Fighter fireballs... cést bizzarre!

Whilst Yoda's involvement was mostly excellent, the film Finale does prove that the Farce is indeed strong with this one, perhaps Episode 3 should be called "The Last Hope" because in my eyes that's exactly what it is.

And what is it with George Lucas and Arms being cut off? :)

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