The International House of Mojo

I'd buy that Rat if it had Tim's authograph on it.

Your lust for Tim Schafer's calligraphy frightens me, Marek. As I'm sure you're probably aware, dead rats smell. Bad. So much so that I wrote an article about it for D'sITNo, an avant-garde journal focusing on writings pertaining to dead animals, cupcakes and snowflakes.
And it's not just the smell that will plump-out your day. It's also the rot. Needless to say, rot spreads quickly, like wild flooding.
So, when you receive your Signature-series Dead Rat in the mail (and there is nothing to suggest that you won't) you'll first be plumped by the stench, yes, that comes first. Before the opening of the package, before the retrieval of the mail. You will notice that smell, Marek. And it will plump you out. "Oh, well!" you'll shout to the people who once considered you a dear and glorious character in their lives. They'll be so plumped-out that they don't consider things like they used to, though.
Anyway, you'll shout "Oh, well! At least it features the scribbled apellation of an evil sorceror!" And of course, you'll be right. You'll fall into a contented sleep that night, cooing like a babe and pawing gently at your blanket.
But that's when the rot-wave'll kick in. It'll start by rotting at the frame you've placed your corpse in. And it will move swiftly. Engulfing in less than a minute's time your wall, door, dresser, various dancing trophies and Star Wars memorabilia collection. You'll still be swiping gently at your blanket when the rot swallows your bed and your person in one quick, illustrious chomp.
No matter, though. The rot will be well supped by then. It will have to admit, although begrudginly, "That was soome killer scarfage, brah."
Um... so, I guess what I mean to say is:
You're quite a pervert. Please stop being a pervert or your person will be enveloped in rot.

Interesting Plan there selling the rats on Ebay to make money :D

Can't they be put to use when they're still alive, for motion capturing purposes maybe?